Red Haze
by BubblyShell22
Summary: Splinter's death has been difficult for all of the Turtles, but Leo has been feeling it the most. When he loses it and almost kills one of the Purple Dragons, the other Turtles realize that there is more to Leo's grief than they first thought. Can they help him snap out of it, or will they lose their brother to his grief?


Red Haze

Chapter 1: Losing Control

A/N: Here's a story based on a segment featured on WWE SmackDown Live on Tuesday. During the segment, Kevin Owens started making very mean comments to Shane McMahon and he went off and beat up on Kevin. So, I thought about what would happen if Leo did that to somebody who mentioned Splinter and this story was born. I hope that all of you enjoy it and where I'm going to be taking it.

Disclaimer: TMNT and all related characters are property of Nickelodeon. I only own the plot and nothing more than that.

Summary: Splinter's death has been difficult for all of the Turtles, but Leo is feeling it the most. When he loses it and almost kills one of the Purple Dragons, the Turtles realize that there is more to Leo's grief than they first thought. Can they help him snap out of it, or will they lose their brother to his grief?

He finished his kata and wiped the sweat off his forehead. As he finished and cooled down, he walked over to the shrine they had erected for Splinter after his death. All of them had been dealing with Splinter's death the best that they could, but Leo was taking it the hardest of all of them. He never let them see it because he felt that as head of the family and leader of the team, he needed to be their rock when they were down and couldn't show weakness. He had to be strong for all of them.

So, he had begun to spend time in the dojo and would release his emotion while at the shrine. He knew that Raph was watching TV, Donnie was in the lab, and Mikey was in the kitchen playing with Ice Cream Kitty.

Leo knelt down at the shrine and gazed up at the picture of all of them when the Turtles were younger. He looked at his smiling father and felt that familiar pang of sadness and loss that he had tried so hard to stop feeling.

"I'm doing my best, Father, but I don't know if I can do this anymore," he confessed. "I try to be strong for my brothers, but I just want to break down and cry. I know I can't let them see my weakness, and I have to be strong for them. It's just so hard sometimes to hide it and be strong. I feel like I'm failing you every day, and it hurts. I'm so sorry I didn't save you, Father."

He couldn't go on as sobs wracked his body, but he didn't care. His grief needed to be felt. He wasn't sure how long he knelt and cried, but he felt a presence nearby and felt a gentle hand resting on his shell.

"Leo, it's okay," Raph said softly. "You're allowed to cry, you know."

"Go away, Raph!" Leo snapped. "You aren't supposed to see this!"

"Why not?" Raph demanded. "Because you're the great Leonardo and you don't think you need to grieve because you're the leader and you have to put up a front for us because if you don't, you think we'll see you as weak or somethin'?"

Leo was shocked at how well Raph knew him. "Are you a mind reader now?" he asked.

"No, I just know how you act," Raph answered. "Look, if you wanna cry, let it out. I'm not gonna make fun of ya or anything. I'll sit with you and comfort you until you feel better because that's what I'm here for, bro. You're my best friend, so stop acting like just because you're head of the family that you have to act a certain way because you don't. If you have to cry, then cry. If you wanna laugh and joke around, then do it. If you wanna quote that dumb show you like, then be my guest. If that's what it takes to make you feel better, you do whatever you have to. Don't close yourself off and feel you need to bottle it up inside. That's when things get bad, and I'm not gonna let that happen to you. Do you understand?"

"Yeah," Leo answered. "I understand."

"Good. It's almost time for patrol. Are you up for it?"

"Sure. And, Raph?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Raph smiled and bumped fists with his brother. "Any time, buddy."

22222

The night seemed relatively quiet as they traversed the rooftops on their nightly patrol. Slash and his team had decided to accompany them, and Leo had been happy to let them join in for the night.

"Seems pretty quiet tonight," Leo noted. "Maybe we should call it a night."

The sound of breaking glass interrupted his thoughts, and they immediately headed in the direction of the commotion. They spotted Fong and his gang robbing a jewelry store.

"Looks like the night's about to get louder," Raph commented.

They jumped down and encountered the Dragons as they were making off with their loot.

"Doing some early Christmas shopping, Fong?" Leo asked as he stepped into his path.

"Dude, it's not polite to rob," Mikey added. "You know Santa frowns on that kind of thing."

"I don't care what you freaks think!" Fong spat.

"Put the jewelry back, Fong!" Leo commanded. "This doesn't have to get ugly."

"Ha! You freaks ain't so tough. Word on the street is that you've gone soft since your dear old dad died. How does it feel to know his greatest enemy finished him off and that you were too slow to save him?"

"Don't you EVER mention Sensei again!" Leo growled in that scary voice that Mikey had dubbed as Leo Mode.

"Aww, did I hit a nerve?" Fong taunted. "Sounds like you're not doing such a good job taking his place. Hell, you don't even have that stupid stick he used to carry. Bet he thinks you're a huge failure since you didn't save him."

Hot rage boiled within Leo and a red haze filled his vision. Not even bothering to use his weapons, he launched himself at Fong and tackled him, punching him again and again for what he'd said.

Fong's henchmen, Tsoi and Sid, came to their leader's aid, but Mikey and Don blocked their way while Raph tried to restrain Leo.

"Leo, stop it!" Raph cried. "He's not worth it! Let him go!"

But the blue-clad Turtle didn't hear him amidst his blind rage and kept on pummeling Fong. Suddenly, he felt something pierce his abdomen and looked down to see a knife protruding there. As the blood pooled out of him, Leo released Fong and reeled back. Slash caught him before he could fall to the ground while Raph yelled his brother's name.

Fong smiled wickedly before getting up and bolting along with the others.

Donnie and Mikey hurried over and saw their wounded brother.

"We need to get him to the Lair," Donnie said.

"It's too far," Slash said. "He can go to our warehouse since it's closer."

Donnie nodded and they hurried to the warehouse that had become the headquarters for the Mighty Mutanimals. They laid Leo down on the infirmary bed as he winced in pain.

"Get it out!" he begged.

Rockwell pulled out the knife while Leatherhead applied pressure to the wound to stop the bleeding. It seemed like there was a lot of blood, but upon further inspection after the bleeding slowed down, the wound appeared to not be as deep as they had thought. They determined that Fong hadn't punctured any major organs with the knife and that Leo would be okay once he healed up. Rockwell stitched the wound up and gave Leo some healing tea for the pain which made him fall asleep.

"Splinter gave us some the last time you guys were here," Slash said. "The time before the fight with Shredder I mean."

Raph looked at his brother's sleeping face and felt horrible about all of this. Leo's grief definitely went deeper than he had thought, and he was kicking himself that he hadn't seen it sooner. "Slash, can I talk to you?"

"Sure," Slash answered. "What's up?"

"Look, this thing with Leo's gotten out of hand," Raph said. "I found him in the dojo crying before patrol tonight. He does that now because he doesn't want to cry in front of us because he feels like he has to be the rock for our family. I told him he's allowed to cry and that he doesn't have to hide it anymore. But seeing him go after Fong like that makes me think this has been going on longer than any of us thought. Sure, we've all been cut up about Splinter and have tried to move on, but I don't think Leo's really given himself a chance to let that grief out except during private times, and that's not enough. I think he's really upset and angry and feels a whole lot of guilt that we haven't seen."

"It makes sense given how close Leo was to Splinter," Slash agreed. "I think what he needs to do is talk it out and not just with you guys. We all need to be there for him."

"Yeah, I think that would be a good thing," agreed Raph. "He can't do this alone."

"You guys can spend the night here and take Leo home tomorrow."

"Thanks, Slash. We owe you one."

"Don't mention it. "

Raph decided to stay with Leo in case anything happened while Mikey bunked with Leatherhead and Donnie stayed in Rockwell's room. Raph wasn't tired enough to sleep so he just sat by his brother's side and thought about what had happened. It wasn't like Leo to lose control like that. That was more of something he, Raph, would do, not Leo. Leo was the epitome of control and always lectured Raph on being too reckless and compulsive at times. But now the roles were reversed and though Raph wasn't going to lecture his brother (though he thought it would be good payback with how many times Leo had done it to him), he definitely wanted to get to the bottom of what had happened and why Leo had lost it like that.

He must have fallen asleep because he woke up to his brother thrashing around and talking in his sleep.

"Sensei, no!" he cried. "I'm sorry I failed you, Father. I'm so sorry."

It was eerily similar to what Leo had said in the dojo. Raph immediately began shaking his brother to snap him out of it.

"Leo, wake up," he urged. "You're safe. Wake up."

Leo bolted upright, breathing hard and wincing as his wound protested the movement.

"Leo, it's okay," Raph soothed. "I'm here. You're safe." He put an arm around his brother and began rubbing his shell in soothing circles, a practice they'd developed since they were children and would do if one of them had a bad dream.

Leo's breathing slowed, but it was clear this dream had shaken him up.

"How often have you had these nightmares?" Raph asked him.

"Every night since it happened," Leo said softly.

"I always wanted to go to you, but I figured you didn't want that and needed your space so I let you be."

Slash hurried into the room, concern on his face. "Is everything okay? I heard Leo cry out."

"Just a nightmare, Slash," Raph reassured him. "He'll be okay."

"Do you mind if I talk to him for a minute?" Slash offered. "Maybe I can help."

"Is that okay with you, Leo?"

Leo nodded. "Sure," he answered.

"Okay, I'll leave you to it," Raph said giving his brother a gentle squeeze.

"So, you had a nightmare, huh?" Slash asked when Raph had left.

"Yeah, I've been having them ever since…" Leo trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

Slash nodded, realizing Leo meant he'd bene having nightmares ever since Splinter's death. "I know how it feels," he said gently. "I've had them too."

"Recently?" Leo asked.

"I did after that brain worm thing controlled me," Slash answered. "I would have dreams that ended differently than the actual outcome. I even had one where I…" He hung his head, not wanting to finish the sentence out loud.

"Killed Splinter?" Leo prompted.

"Yeah. I never got over that dream, but Doc and Splinter helped me out."

"You told Splinter about it? When?"

"It was shortly after it happened. You guys were on patrol, and I was feeling upset after the latest nightmare, so I came to visit you guys. Splinter told me you guys were gone, and I was going to leave, but he told me to stay since he sensed there was something that was troubling me. You wanna hear the story?"

"Sure," answered Leo. He was surprised Splinter had never even mentioned it that day or any other day, but he figured maybe Splinter wanted to keep it as a private thing between Slash and himself.

22222

Slash headed to the Lair, still feeling horrified over the latest nightmare. He knew things could have gone like that if the Turtles hadn't stopped him when they did. He entered the Lair and noticed that it was quiet. Where were the guys?

"Anyone home?" Slash called.

"My sons are out on patrol," Splinter replied as he came out of the dojo.

"Oh," Slash said. "Then I'll come back later."

"No, you may stay and wait for them," Splinter offered. "They should not be too long."

"I can always just come back."

"Something is troubling you," Splinter noted. "My ears are open if you want to talk about it."

Slash wanted to resist, but there was always something about Splinter that made you want to tell him your troubles no matter what they were. A pang of guilt tore through him as he saw Splinter limping toward the dojo. He had done that. It was his fault Splinter was wounded.

"I'm really sorry about your leg," Slash apologized. "Is there anything I can do?"

"There is no need to apologize, my friend," Splinter replied. "You were not in control of your actions. My leg will heal in time. Now, what is it that troubles your mind?"

"I've been having nightmares since this whole thing happened," Slash answered. "Sometimes I see myself hurting one of the Turtles and sometimes I see myself hurting you even worse than I did."

"I see. Have you spoken to anyone about this?"

"No, not really. I just thought it was best to keep it to myself."

"Your dreams are fueled by your guilty conscience," Splinter said. "You feel such remorse for your actions that you have these dreams that detail what could have happened based on your fears. You seek my forgiveness, but there is no reason to for you have done nothing wrong. They key is to forgive yourself. Only then will you truly be able to heal."

"How can I do that?" Slash asked him.

"By telling yourself that it was not your fault," Splinter responded. "You must tell yourself that you were not to blame for your actions and it was Shredder's fault that you did what you did."

"I'll try, but it won't be easy, Master Splinter," Slash said.

"Not everything in life is easy, my friend. Just remember that you have many friends who will be there for you if you need them."

"I know," Slash said.

"Do you feel better?"

"Yeah, I do. Thanks, Master Splinter."

"You are very welcome, my friend."

"I better get going."

"You may stay and wait for my sons if you wish."

"Nah, I've stayed long enough and Leatherhead promised to cook dinner tonight. I'll come by another time. But can you keep this talk between us? I don't want to worry the Turtles about it."

"I will not say a word," Splinter promised.

Slash bowed to Splinter and then left, feeling better than he had in a long time. He was lucky to have someone like Splinter who was there for him just as he was for his sons. It was a memory that Slash would cherish for a long time and always remember when he thought about Splinter.

22222

"So, once I did what he said, I began to feel better," Slash concluded. "Maybe you should try it."

"I don't think it's that easy," Leo said wryly.

"Well, nothing is easy, as Master Splinter says," Slash pointed out.

Leo nodded and smiled a little. "I guess you have a point there. I think the biggest thing I feel guilty about is that Splinter knew he was going to die and never really told me about it. He hinted at it, but I just thought maybe it was one of those dreams he used to get that he'd reassure us about. I just never thought it would actually happen."

"Maybe he figured if he told you, he knew you would do all you could to stop it and he didn't want that. He was ready to go."

"Yeah, but why? Why would he choose to get killed by his greatest enemy instead of choosing to die of old age or something?"

"Because he knew that the war would continue if he didn't die and he knew it would never end. I agree it sucks that he had to go that way, but that was what he wanted. I think he wouldn't want you to beat yourself up for this. He would want you to blame Shredder and not yourself for what happened."

"I know, and I'll try not to if I can," he said.

"That's all you can do. But you know you can always come to me if you need to. You don't have to do this alone. Everyone's here for you. At least try for Raph's sake. He worries about you a lot despite some of the things he says."

Leo smiled. "Still talking trash about me?" he joked.

"Only a little," Slash joked back. "He says a lot more good stuff than bad now, but don't tell him I said that."

Leo laughed. "Okay, I won't."

"You think you can sleep now?"

"I think so. Thanks again, Slash."

"No problem, brother. You can come to me with anything." He fist- bumped Leo and left the room just as Raph was entering it.

"Did your talk go well?" the red-clad Turtle asked.

"Yeah, it did," Leo answered. "I think I can sleep now."

"Good 'cause I'm tired," Raph said with a yawn. "Good night, Leo."

"Good night, Raph."

The two Turtles fell asleep right away. Leo felt a little better after his talk with Slash, but he knew it was going to be a struggle to heal after all of this. Grief was never easy to bury no matter how hard you tried, but he was determined to only talk to the others if he really felt he needed to so as not to burden them with this. Some things were better faced alone at times.

A/N: That's the end of the first chapter. Looks like Leo isn't going to take all of Slash's advice but he's nothing if not stubborn at times. I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter and I can't wait to see where this story will take me. Just be aware that I do have other stories I'm working on so updates for this one won't be quick though I'll try not to leave it too long. Feel free to leave a review and have a shelltastic day.


End file.
